gender roles

So the kids had a visit with their bio mom for the first time in a few weeks.

(Side note: she is allowed one visit a week, but she has a couple of steps to take each week for a visit to happen. For several weeks she didn't do it right, and she told me one night on the phone that if she doesn't get her visits the TPR won't go through. Which is true, but no judge will find fault with the county when she repeatedly called the wrong person when being told to call the social worker like usual, etcetera, etcetera. So she hasn't been getting her once a week visits, but it has been her own doing.)

I picked up Junior and K.R. from daycare the day of their visit. In the car, Junior says to me, "putting my dirty clothes in the laundry, cleaning up my room, putting away the dishes, that's not what little boys are supposed to do. That's for moms, and D.S., and K.R, when she gets older."

"Not in my house it's not!" I thundered. It was definitely the voice of my father coming out of my mouth. I calmed down a minute to say my standard, "people have different rules in different houses." I try to say this so the kids don't think I'm condemning the way their mother does things. Then I explained, "And in my house little boys and little girls do the same cleaning chores."

He dropped that like a hot potato. And he doesn't drop anything if he thinks there might be any chance he can get away with it.

I would really like to be a fly on the wall during those visits.

Junior's comments

So, the other day we were driving past a park and there was a large flock of Canadian geese lying on the grass. I turned to Junior and said, "Look at all the geese!" He looked over, then said, "Why do they always poop so much, Kara?"

*******

"Kara, when my sister came out of mommy's tummy, did she have a diaper on?" Junior asked me.

I told him no.

"You mean, she was NAKED? Ewwwwww!"

Mulberries

It's mulberry picking time! Mmmmmm.... The kids and I went out to pick them until are fingers (and K.R.'s face) were stained. I started out holding K.R. and a container holding the berries in one arm/hand, and picking with the other hand. And wouldn't you know the little stinker was eating them as fast as I could put them in there.

It was this time last year that I had all three kids for an overnight so D.S. and Junior's last foster parents could go to some family thing. And this is when we made a day of picking mulberries out near the gardens and in the orchard by the prairie. They had never done that before, in fact, they had never climbed a tree before that day either! But they did then, because then they could reach more berries.... We got a whole bunch and then put them on ice cream later that night.

It was a pretty nice day.

Do spiders poop?

(One of the questions that D.S. asked me the other day.)

Update!

There's been a lot that's gone on in the last few months, but maybe things have *finally* (cross fingers now) settled down enough to keep up with this blog again.

[Unfortunately, my camera is broken, so there won't be any pictures for a while.]

Junior moved in January 31st. Most people with average common sense figured out a long time ago that three kids and one adult is crazy. I know, because I heard that a lot. I can't say it really sunk in, but my multi-tasking abilities are gearing towards Olympic level now. :)

K.R. and Junior hated each other at first. K.R. was four months old when they last lived together; she didn't move around and slept a lot. Next thing he knew, she was big enough to grab all your toys and hit you. Which she was doing A LOT. For a few weeks she didn't say any words she knew, just "Mama". Then she started talking again. The words "No!" "Mine" and "Stop!" were quickly acquired and used often. Now they've mellowed out and get along most of the time.

D.S. actually adjusted better than everyone else to the change (including me). But there you go; I didn't see that coming. I never know how things are going to go; I am always surprised.

The adoption process got complicated. A lot. Here's a run-down:

The county went to file for Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) on the mom and the dad of the youngest two kids. But the lawyer doing all the paperwork and filing realized halfway through that there was a conflict of interest, so a new lawyer had to be brought in, familiarized with the case, and then all the paperwork re-done and re-filed. Meanwhile....

At the end of March, a grandmother and great-grandmother stepped forward saying they wanted to adopt the kids. They hadn't seen the kids in over two years; could not pronounce K.R.'s name, and didn't know Junior was a Junior and named after their son/grandson, even though he was almost five years old. But the first priority is to place kids with relatives. And the county kept working on TPR with the parents, while having the great/grandparents establish a relationship with the kids through visits and phone calls. The idea was the kids to get to know the great/grandparents as much as possible while the county did its background checks and home evaluations to make sure the move would be a safe one. I was told that after everything was cleared in two to three months, the kids would be moved a final time to live with them, probably by June.

I was a wreck. The waiting was horrid.

But, three weeks ago, the great/grandparents didn't pass the background checks, and are denied as eligible relatives. Then the TPR papers, which were supposed to be filed in March, were filed three weeks ago also. I am the only person the county is considering as permanent placement for the kids. For two weeks I began to relax, and imagine my life and future with the kids again, and tentatively think of a time when this will all be over. There's been so much back and forth with this whole mess, I was still waiting for another shoe to drop. I didn't know where, but it seemed like there could be another one somewhere.

And there was. The mom got out of jail last week and is in a rehab program again. She squeaked by not getting substantial jail time.

So we'll see how this goes. She can't make one screw-up, or she'll be back in jail for a year. But now it's all going to go to trial, and it's in the legal process. She could convince a jury to let her have another chance. If she got her kids back, this would be her fourth chance to keep them.

So it's just more ups and downs, back and forth.

But I am not as worried about the mom; she is an addict who doesn't think she is. Most addicts can keep it together for six months tops, but she will have to do it a lot longer than that this time. And I don't believe she can, because she doesn't think she has a problem.

D.S.'s dad is trying to get her back, but he has a number of issues that are only half-heartedly being addressed. I don't know how much more time they are going to give him. Another wait and see.

The kids don't know any of this. And they are not going to know any of this until it is all settled.

This is the craziest, most complicated process I could have ever imagined. And it really messes with the kids. They don't understand what is taking so long. I wish there was another way.

not-quite lazy morning

(D.S. and I are natural night owls, K.R. is the early bird.  *Sigh*.)  

This morning I woke up and heard K.R. talking and singing in her baby language.  D.S. wasn't up, so I thought, 'hmm, since she's happy, maybe I can just stay in bed a little longer and not get up right away....'

Which I did with relish.  But after a few minutes, I got up to get K.R.  She was in her crib, rolling around, playing with her stuffed animals.  Only, when I got closer, did I see what happened.  She had taken off her diaper, and peed all over the crib, blanket, her clothes, and stuffed animals, and now she was rolling around and PLAYING in it!  

All I could think of after bathing her and throwing everything else in the washer was, "Thank god she has not discovered her poop."

recent events

Junior has been visiting more in preparation for his move here.  Last week when he was here I was also dog-sitting the neighbor's dog.  He was terrified of dogs when he was dropped off.  

This dog rocks.

A sweet picture Junior took.

D.S., her best friend Clare, and Junior.  This is a tricycle K.R. got for Christmas, but she can't reach the pedals yet. It is everybody else's favorite toy.  I banned the bell from being rung inside.  Waaaaaaaay too annoying.

Junior and K.R. playing in the toddler play structure.  Pretty cute, huh?

It's been fun having the brother here more often now.   He tries to egg D.S. on sometimes, but really he just wants to join in everything she is doing.  D.S. and Junior are both very united in feeling that K.R. is the most annoying baby on the planet.  He stayed for 24 hours this weekend, and everything I did had that surreal feeling of adjusting to another little human being to account for.  When I first got K.R., I remember it took me two days to figure out how to run to the store and back with her.  It took a while to get used to D.S. too.  Then the next thing I knew, we had our own rhythm and it wasn't so bad.  I'm counting on the same thing with Junior, too.

Saturday afternoon D.S. and Junior were going to play out in the snow.  Junior was ready really quickly and waiting by the door, while D.S. leisurely bent over putting on her boots.  Junior suddenly announced, "Hey, I'm not hitting D.S. on the butt right now!"

I did everything I could to not laugh, and said encouragingly, "That's really good!"  

Oh, but that totally cracked me up.  What a stinker.